“Will I Be a Good Mom?”— 6 Ways to Navigate Self-Doubt in Parenthood
A question that many new parents ask themselves is “Am I going to be a good parent?” You may have started wondering that from the moment you found out you were pregnant or even before you decided you wanted to try for a baby. No matter how prepared you thought you were for a baby, this question can come up at one point or another. Sometimes we can ask ourselves this again with subsequent pregnancies. “How could I possibly be a good parent to multiple babies?” In this post, we will talk about why you may be feeling this way and what you can do about it.
Why am I asking myself this question?
As can happen with anything new, you may be questioning your abilities. The way you were brought up can also have you questioning if you will be able to be a good parent. If you had amazing parents you may wonder if you could live up to that. If you had a difficult childhood, you may be wondering how you will know how to be a good parent. Your current financial situation, living situation, relationship status, or career can factor into this as well. Understanding where your doubt is coming from will help you in overcoming it.
Okay, I figured out my why… now, what can I do about it?
Acknowledge your feelings and where they’re coming from. Understand that there is an immense pressure that is placed on us by society and ourselves when it comes to parenthood. A lot of times people say they want to be the “perfect parent” and while it is good to strive for greatness, it can also be detrimental to seek perfection. Here are a couple of ways you can address these feelings:
Talk About It
Talk about these feelings with a trusted person. Whether that is a family member or friend, tell someone how you’re feeling. Sometimes just speaking about something out loud can help you gain clarity. Talking it out with a trusted person will offer you the feedback you may be needing.
2. Write It Down
If you like journaling or writing this may be a great outlet for you! You can write down how you’re currently feeling to get the thoughts out of your head. You can also write a letter to baby, or a letter to your future self about the type of parent you hope you are. Even if you are not much of a writer, putting pen to paper can still feel cathartic.
3. Reflect On Your Strengths
Everyone has unique qualities that make them well-suited for parenthood. Reflect on your strengths, whether they be patience, resilience, or empathy. Recognizing these attributes can boost your confidence and help you understand the valuable skills you bring to parenthood. Sometimes just knowing what not to do can be a great strength. This may be helpful if you are a person who did not have great parents or role models growing up. You can be the person you needed growing up.
4. Educate Yourself
Knowledge is empowering! Take the time to educate yourself about pregnancy, childbirth, and parenting. Attend childbirth education classes, read books, and consult trusted sources, such as a doula, to build a foundation of knowledge. Feeling prepared can alleviate some of the anxiety associated with the unknown.
5. Trust Your Instincts
Parenthood doesn't come with a one-size-fits-all manual. Trusting your instincts is an important aspect of being a good parent. Your intuition and connection with your child will guide you through many situations. Be open to learning and growing alongside your baby. Remember, this is a new journey for you both!
6. Embrace Imperfection
Perfection is an unrealistic standard. Understand that making mistakes is a part of parenting, and it's okay not to have all the answers. Mistakes are a normal part of life, what matters most is what you do after. Embracing imperfection allows room for growth and learning, fostering a healthier and more compassionate approach to parenthood.
Have faith in yourself!
Questioning your parenting abilities is a universal experience. The fact that you are worried about being a good parent shows your desire to be one! Decide what being a good parent means to you and do not lose focus of that. It is okay to draw inspiration from other parents but try your best not to compare yourself to others. If you frequent social media, do not take what you see at face value. People who make content online are showing just a small portion of their lives, and typically, they show the positive aspects. Comparison is the thief of joy– focus on your own parenting journey!
